Deep In Thought

I just finished reading "The Time Traveler's Wife". It was absolutely phenomenal; a blow your mind kind of read. My brain is exhausted from keeping up with the intricate storyline. I feel like I've been swimming laps, swimming and swimming and swimming until I can't swim anymore, and I finally heave myself out of the water and onto the sun-warmed poolside concrete. I lay there, completely spent, my body vibrating from the exertion. My legs are weak and I have to rest, regain my strength before I can walk. This is what reading does to me. I immerse myself completely (as completely as I can, while still taking care of the kids) and I don't come up for air until it is over. Having just barely closed the cover, my brain is still spread out like jelly on the book's pages. Before I completely return to this life, to my here and now, I want to think for a little while.

This book was about waiting. And longing. And a deep love that transcended time and logic.

Have you ever heard of the Imago Theory? In short, "Dr. Hendrix believes that you unconsciously choose a partner, an 'Imago match,' who... ...has the potential to help you heal unresolved pain from childhood." (From Oprah.com.) I firmly and strongly agree with this theory. What it affirms for me is something I have felt since the moment I met my husband; we are meant to be together.

I believe that adults are shaped by their past experiences. Everything we think and decide as the person we are now is a result of the growth (or lack of growth) we have achieved over the course of our life. (A fascinating book about this is "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Daniel Siegel.) As we age, and grow, we can resolve many things from our past, from small situations that our immature child self was unable to understand to huge and consuming issues of self-doubt or fear. But I think there are some things that you can't figure out by yourself. Either you've buried something so deep that you would never willingly unearth it for inspection, or you're so entrenched in denial that even the reflection you see in the mirror can become a lie. According to the Imago Theory, you chose your partner for the opportunity for healing. "...You become healed not by a counselor but by the relationship itself." What my husband and I offer each other are not only the beautiful gifts of love and companionship, but also the nudge, motivation, strength, and guidance needed to bring our lives full circle and end up with a greater understanding and acceptance of ourselves.

I think that this theory was made manifest in "The Time Traveler's Wife." This love and need that the characters Clare and Henry had so deeply for each other was more than just love and need. It was survival. They were each other's answer to life. Man, what a book!

I'd love your thoughts on this, if you've read the book. Or your thoughts on relationships, why we are drawn to our companion. Do you think it is fate? Chance? Chemistry? Sheer luck? Or something more...?